Thoughts on Dev Women Cologne 2026

I went in with the wrong expectation. And that turned out to be a good thing.

The evening at Dev Women Cologne was supposed to be a conversation about self-confidence – how to show up more clearly, how to position yourself in a male-dominated environment without bending yourself out of shape. Those are valid questions. But they're also convenient, because they leave the responsibility exactly where many people expect it: with the individual person who has to learn to assert themselves better.

What actually emerged over the course of the evening was something different.

There were concrete situations: women who were talked over in meetings. Perspectives that simply never showed up in strategic decisions. And somewhere in these conversations, a line that had quietly shifted – from difficult communication toward behavior that deserves a different name.

At that point, the real question of the evening crystallized for me:

What happens when no one reflects on the effect their behavior has on others?

Adapting isn't the answer

There's a thought that comes up almost automatically in conversations like these: maybe you just need to learn to assert yourself better. Communicate more clearly. Position yourself more strongly.

I think that's the wrong question.

Not because communication doesn't matter, but because this perspective quietly assumes there's a "correct" way to communicate – a style everyone should adapt to. Yet in other areas, we readily accept that people think, speak, and perceive differently.

What's missing in the workplace isn't individuals' willingness to adapt. What's missing is the willingness to ask: what effect does my behavior have on the person in front of me? And: am I willing to understand that as my responsibility?

Why this isn't a personal question, but a structural one

What stayed with me most afterward is how consistently situations like these get discussed on a personal level – while the structural consequences remain hidden. Yet they're very concrete.

When people don't feel taken seriously, they withdraw. They contribute fewer perspectives, hold back information, or leave the company. What remains visible are rarely the actual causes, but their consequences:

• Decisions rest on incomplete information because relevant perspectives are missing
• Alignment takes longer because of uncertainties no one names openly
• Conflicts move into informal spaces instead of being resolved constructively
• Trust declines – collaboration becomes more cautious, slower, less honest
• Knowledge is lost when employees withdraw or quit
• And in the end, measurable costs emerge: through turnover, onboarding, declining productivity

These effects don't appear suddenly. They work quietly and go unnoticed for a long time, even though they're already limiting a system.

A book that came at the right time

During my rehab stay, I came across "What Got You Here Won't Get You There" by Marshall Goldsmith. The title sounds provocative, and Goldsmith hits the core of it.

Goldsmith describes how behaviors that made us successful at certain stages lose their effect – or become obstacles – in other contexts, especially when collaboration and responsibility matter more than individual assertiveness.

What resonated with me: literally everyone can become more successful, as long as they engage with their own impact instead of treating communication as someone else's problem.

What the evening left me with

Regardless of the substantive questions, the evening itself was valuable above all because it made visible topics that often go unspoken in everyday work and are therefore easily underestimated.

I'm leaving with a clearer conviction: behavior isn't a personality trait you simply have to accept. It's a factor you can control, and whoever recognizes that carries responsibility for what they do with it.

If you'd like to check out the book: here's the recommendation